The Fight

A few weeks ago I was doing my weekly spring cleaning. I had a big box full of stuff I no longer wanted. I began to fill it with books I never read and probably would never. I came across a book my mom had bought me at the thrift store, “Every Young Girls Battle.”  When she gave it to me I made fun of it and said, “Every young girls battle is trying to find a good-looking rich man.”

Before I threw the book in the box I opened it to a page to see what kind of read it would be. To my surprise it was very interesting.

I have trouble finishing books. I tend to get bored mid way. But this book had me intrigued.  I finished it in just a couple of weeks.

The book is about how to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex.

I never really witnessed a healthy dating relationship, in fact, I was positive it was impossible. When I say healthy, I mean a relationship where two people encourage, build, strengthen, support, push towards God, and save them selves for marriage. I’ve heard of people who have done this but I’m pretty sure they crossed a few lines while they were dating. haha.

In fact, I have a friend whose advice is, “If you wanna get married, get pregnant.” I laughed at his horrible advice but it seems that is how our culture operates.

I can recall having many conversations with friends about the battle of purity. Today’s culture doesn’t even know what that word means. I’m sure they only use it when talking about Fiji water.

“If you don’t guard your mind, you’ll find that when it comes to your relationships with the opposite sex, your resistances can be low before any encounter takes place. But you do have some choice in this matter .. you can train your mind to mind.” – Every Young Girls Battle

I didn’t realize that there are many levels of purity; mentally, emotionally, and of course physically. If the heart and mind aren’t guarded, then baggage will soon build up, causing a train of unhealthy relationships. It encourages to stay pure for the sake of your future marriage. The habits that take place in your dating life don’t go away once you are committed and married.

It was a book that every guy would hate for the girl he likes to read.. unless he desires a healthy woman to marry with no crazy baggage from all her past relationships.

It’s nice to know having a healthy relationship is possible. The secret is to respect and honor one another..and to not kiss longer than three seconds. haha

6 Comments

  1. Funny…I just stumbled across the “man” version of the same series while combing through a box of books, and I posted some thoughts. It is encouraging to know that a small remnant takes purity seriously; it seems that only married people want to talk about it, and the persevering singles sort of dismiss them for lack of credibility.

    From a dude point of view, we get the impression that women are generally more interested in changing a man with character flaws than pursuing holiness and purity in a relationship. I know this isn’t entirely true, but I find it comical that both sexes assume that the other wouldn’t welcome this sort of wisdom — as if seeking God’s greater purposes for man and woman would condemn us to a lonely life. Perhaps another lie of the enemy.

    If nothing else, let this be a solid reminder that healthy relationships are desired by a small portion of society. Keep the hope and settle for nothing less; He’ll allow you to be an incredible blessing to a man that does the same.

  2. As a Christian woman married to a Christian man who both failed in maintaining our purity before marriage, I can’t encourage abstaining enough! And we both had a prolonged season of impurity before either of us were saved. When you understand how glorious intimacy can be between husband and wife according to the Bible, it becomes something more desirable than your soon-to-be spouse. But that’s where “training your mind to mind” is so important. Neither of us took it seriously enough and felt remorse and regret after we were married. We knew it was an experience we would NEVER have. That made us so sad! Add to that the inability to repent (to turn away) because we were already married, and that really added undue stress where we should have been enjoying uninhibited intimacy with one another.

    We both know what we lost by jumping the gun and ignoring God’s word and we cannot encourage couples to fight for what they CAN have before they get to a point where they can never go back to get it.

    1. Hmm. God and I have wrestled over this issue in the past year. Through my twenties, a part of me grieved the fact that most women had not saved themselves for marriage, and I had a difficult time resigning myself to the likelihood that I would be offering a gift that wouldn’t be reciprocated; the thought of it made me hurt.

      In this, I failed to see that God also redeems. I don’t mean to imply that there aren’t consequences for our past sin; the sadness that you and your husband felt was for a great blessing that was missed. However, God has also shown me not to call something impure that He has made clean (Acts 10:15).

      I recognized a certain amount of pride in my abstinence, as if God owed me a virgin wife because I had endured the toughest years of my life without one particular sin. While I still believe that being blessed with her physical purity would be the greatest gift imaginable (and that a “loss” will be felt if she isn’t able to offer it), I am encouraged that God has always been in the business of restoring the broken. Far be it from me to determine what measure of grace He would ask my wife and I to be for one another.

      In the end, we all bring mess to the table, and a healthy relationship is built upon seeking Him through the mire together, and asking Him to restore the broken pieces. In this, my sin is just as subject to His grace (and my future wife’s) as any that my pride may place on a pedestal. There is no condemnation for those in Christ — you and your husband included — so man and woman can (and should) discuss their past failures openly without regret, but in confident testimony that He has made us new!

      1. I think its great the perspective you are bring to this discussion. What you say is so true. God hates pride just as much as any sin. How beautiful is grace that we receive it and are able to give it also.

    2. I think its crazy how we don’t hear much about the benefits in waiting. And Its great to hear that even though mistakes were made, with God, things can still be worked out.

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