The holidays require a lot of energy – of course the setting up, cooking and so on, but the talking seems to be the most challenging. Just being in the same room with other people takes work. Of course, I often get stuck in my head and yes…I am an introvert.
Have you seen that youtube video of The Wonder Years where the narration is taken out? Kevin is even more awkward without the voice. He stands there trying to come up with a respond to his mother’s questions. Sometimes I feel like that. The space between the question and my final answer has a gap of silence. I try to give a simple, not giving away too much information statement. I do admit, sometimes my face gives away my answer and I am forced to be honest, which I sigh in relief.
I started to think about the person I am in my head, and the person I project to the world. I wonder if I will ever allow the world to really know me, to know the unedited me. When you think about it, we have our thoughts, adjust them accordingly and then deliver. Of course this has taken us decades to master.
When we go through tough seasons, this skill seem to weaken. How can I be my true authentic self without acting like a rude teenager? I guess the real me is indeed quite and observant. To me, there is more to be said that interest me than words.
I can recall memories pretty well, it’s what I was thinking that I remember most. The random conversation I have inside my head, the song that was playing in the background, the mood I was feeling, and the way the lighting was casting shadows. It’s like I’m watching the movie of my life. Its a gift but if not taken care of well, it can cause me to miss out on whats in front of me -People, family, and future memories that I will need to bring me comfort when life changes. One thing I know, is that time seems to travel faster than the year before.
I might be the artsy girl at the family gatherings who hides behind her camera, but I know the moment I am seeing will soon fade away. The holidays remind me to enjoy the company of people around me.