Since I’ve been a stay home mom I’ve had extra time in between naps and taking care of the baby to go though my old footage that I’ve collected over time and start to edit them into videos. It’s something I always wanted to do, and I’m sure you have footage on your hard drive that “one day edit this.”
My one day has been now. Its strange to look at footage of me from 9 years ago. My insecurities scream off the camera, I remember feeling ugly because of my braces and my skin wasn’t photoshop clear. I was harsh to myself then and now a grown women I feel bad for her. I want to tell her “relax, things work out: your skin clears up, your braces come off and your smile is beautiful again.” I also remember at the time feeling like when I liked a boy he never really liked me back. Now I can see why, I wasn’t being myself, and I was being so uncomfortable in my own skin, it would make anyone want to stay away.
I also see the possibilities that were before me. I was careful with each direction I took. I always wanted to do the right thing and make the best decision possible. I was always afraid I was going to make the wrong decision, that sometimes I didn’t make one, which is making one: to do nothing. The risk I did take were thought out and careful. When it came to date someone I was always cautious, to the point the boy would give up and move on, which left only the ones who were serious.. or should I say the one who became the one. Future husband Gus.
We do the best we can when we are young, sometimes we make mistakes but I believe if we try to be deliberate with life, we’ll end up where we want to be.
I never took the time to edit this footage because I didn’t like how I came across, now I can see the story wasn’t about me but about an artist. After all, I traveled a few hundred miles to meet him, Leonard Knight.
You can watch my youtube episode about my journey to salvation mountain and also revisit the blog I wrote and photos I shared in 2010: