Finding inspiring 

One of my favorite things to do as a kid was go to the video store with my dad. We would take our time discovering new movies, and talk about the ones we already saw. Today, with modern technology that experience has disappeared.

Don’t get me wrong , I’m grateful we live in the future where any movie, book or article can be found online. With one keyword you can be connected to everything on that one subject. But how do I find the random things?

Today I decided to go to the library. I haven’t been to the library since elementary school, being in this space again reminded me of having to do boring book reports. I was about to leave when I came across the art section and pick up a book on comic strips.  It was fastening to read about the history of comic strips. They were created for a generation in need of stories when they didn’t have a television or a digital library. Comic strips were in newpapers and today we see how it captured what that generation was feeling, thinking and their great desires. As a modern storyteller, I search to create the same connection with my videos. The art of storytelling is the same but the platform has changed. 

I never realized how we enjoy stories today, all started with a humble comic strip. It is easy to get caught up with the production of a story,  most of us don’t have expensive equipment but what we do have is a pen and paper.

Dear Thirties

Dear Thirties,

You forgot to tell me about Mrs. Aging. I didn’t know she was going to come after me! She has always left me alone until now. I really don’t know what to do with her, should I embrace her or tell her to go away, ignore her phone calls? She now has Mrs. Wisdom sending me messages which I don’t mind. In fact, I very much enjoy her conversations. She likes to take me out for coffee and reminds me about the beautiful things that I have learned in life. Mrs. Wisdom tells me she will leave me alone when I ignore her but Mrs. Aging will not tolerate it. I have promised them both that I would take care of my self, I also admit I still keep in touch with Kid Youth.

“Everyone my age still hangs out with Kid Youth, even when they have their own kids! My generation doesn’t want to kick him out of the house. They say he can stay as long as he wants.”

Mrs. Wisdom tells me I will miss out on life if I keep hanging out with Kid Youth, “There is so much new things to see and experience, plus you will get to know me more.” She smiles and sips her tea. She loves her tea, she tells me her favorite is Chai, but also enjoys Passion tea. I am happy to hear she likes to mix it up.

Thirties, I am still confused on who you are, even though we have been together for three years, I really don’t know where you want to take me. Mrs. Aging says you just care about the clock ticking, and making money or buying a house.  But I know you aren’t so shallow, you are deeper than that. I am writing you to tell you, I am listening to what you are saying. I understand Kid Youth will always be fun to talk to, but we can’t be best friends like we use to. Sometimes I gotta go and hang out with Mr. Responsibility. He’s not that fun but I always feel great when I listen to him. Plus, he pays my bills and keeps me from doing stupid stuff, like giving up on paying off my debt.

Anyways, I am excited about the plans that you’ve shared with me of what you would like to do in the upcoming years. I really wish Mr. Time would slow down. He never seems to take a break.

Please write back. I know we won’t be together forever and I would really like to get to know you. Tell Miss. Twenties I am very thankful for her and all the fun adventures we had.

Until next time,


Disappearing Social Media

When I was in high school I discovered AOL chat rooms. I found it fascinating I was able to talk to strangers and be unknown. My friends and I would spend hours in chatrooms causing trouble like any normal teenager would. In the early 2000′ the internet was the wild west. No one used their real photos or name. The moment we signed off, we were back to normal life.

My friend had this cool cousin, who told us about Myspace. We created profiles and sent friend request to each other. We were now part of a secret internet club adults didn’t know about. We would say, “What happen’s on Myspace, stays on myspace.”

When I moved to Sydney, I was extremely home sick. My new friends were annoyed at me, “You’re not in California anymore, you’re here.” Having a hard time transitioning, I decided to deleted my account. Then, deactivation wasn’t a thing; contacts, messages, photos – everything would be deleted with one click. When I did it, I remember feeling brave. I was leaving the comforts of friends behind, I was deleting my status of how many friends I have. My friend’s back home was mad at me, but I was now able to invest in the people around me. Deleting myspace took me to a new season in my life. I was able to see the world around me and embrace where God was taking me. I was able to focus on where I was.

When I moved back to California, Facebook opened their network to anyone who wanted to sign up. It was now my Australian life I couldn’t seem to let go. It wasn’t until a visit back to Sydney did I decide I had to more on. I stood there at the Darling Harbour, looking at the Opera House and said good bye out loud. When I returned I left Facebook for a while.

Today, social media is everywhere! Everyone has an account, even the distant aunt or the business down the street. We can no longer escape each other. I can now click through my profile photos and see my life happen in front of me. I see myself aging, changing, and becoming someone different – and I am also witnessing my friend transform. The dynamic of relationships dramatically change over a course of a time. I can’t leave snippy comments anymore to a friend to be funny, their wife is probably watching or their grandma.

2016-07-30-17-31-23Recently, Gus asked me, where was I when a certain part of history happened.. I answered, “Probably on Facebook,” The truth was, I probably was on Facebook, and if I’m not careful, I could spend the next ten years on social media, missing life happening in front of me. I didn’t like the truthful answer that came out of me. I began to think what if I left social media for a year. The answer to that question got me excited for the unknown. I don’t know what would happen. Maybe it would cause me to develop some deep meaningful friendships, and stop lying to myself about some of my friendships that, “we’re still close.” This time, leaving social media is about time-  a time in my life that I am holding on to.

The next day I deactivated Facebook, Snapchat, and Instragram .. I’m still on Twitter since that’s easy more about information. The first day without social media, I found myself alone with my thoughts. I recorded an audio recording and what came out surprised me. My soul was speaking, and my heart was starting to pour out. I hadn’t expressed this much personal feelings in a long time, I knew I would never share it publicly, this recording was for me.

As the week went on I notice I am paying more attention to people – I was hungry for social interaction. As I walked around at the mall or church, I noticed I was receiving fresh insight on life that I haven’t had in years. I’m also enjoying listening to my husband talk, and give him my full attention. I can feel myself changing already. I want to use my time here on earth to do something other than scroll looking at photos of people who I don’t know.

I am 33, the age Jesus went to the cross, this was his last year on earth. He spent that time with people, and miracles were preformed. If I want a life of adventure, it requires sacrifice. I want to reconnect with myself, and the people around me.

Can you believe we are a few days away from 2017.

Time — the most valuable thing on Earth.

Youth or Reality?

I admit, I held on to my childhood as long as I could. It’s been a struggle allowing myself to growing up and now I have entered in the phase called aging. I still see myself as a young lady, although you have to be over 50 to refer to me as such. I often get the question if I have children, I think to myself, “Do I look old enough to have children?!” *Crying emoji.

I am now understanding why make-up was invited, I am noticing my face change and often wonder if there is anything I can do to prevent my fate. How do I stop time? It took me years to find myself beautiful, and now its fading away right before my eyes. I should have been more thankful when I was a teenager, instead of being worried about pimples. 

I am a deep creative, I shouldn’t care or spend time on such shallow things. As a person whose twenties was documented on social media, I can scroll through my profile photos and witness the camera get further and further away.

I am a sucker for looking at the past with the soft filter on.

2001, The world was changing, America had faced a turning point and I, myself was facing my own end of the world moment. I had been dumped by a boy who I thought I would spend my life with. He was the one who told me my dreams were impossible, and now he was no longer in my life to talk me out of being who I wanted to become. I was left alone with my faith in God, a few friends, and my art. I went to college because there was nothing else to do. The plan was to get married and have children right after high school, since I had no potential future husbands in line, I went to college to become a junk mail graphic designer. It wasn’t until I started to believe what God said, “All things are possible for those who believe” did my life turn into something better than I could have planned.

I often took the song lyric from Creep by Radiohead pretty seriously in my twenties to help me make any major decisions.

The line, “What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here” was my compass. I often felt out-of-place, so feeling in place was very noticeable.

When I got my first professional job as an intern with Warner Brother, I was asked what I wanted to do after the program. I knew I didn’t belong with the department as a graphic designer, so I told them I was going back to school to become an editor.  When I moved to Australia to edit with Hillsong, I often grew home sick. I would answer the Radiohead song, “Yes. God sent me, I belong here.” It was only when the job fell through did I take that as a sign to go back home. When I moved back to California it took me months to figure out the next step. I would cry out to God kicking and screaming that I don’t belong in San Bernardino. When I was going to move to Vancouver, I sat in the coffee shop realizing, it wasn’t the place for me. I had a life back home that was full of grace, I returned to my old job in a new position as the video department director. When I met this deep mysterious boy with long hair I had no idea if I belonged with him but knew I enjoyed his company. It was when he comforted me during a hard season, I knew he was who I belonged with.

Every obstacle, struggle, and victory is indeed worth the annoying lines on my face. I may be aging, for I always was, but it doesn’t mean I can’t keep my youthful heart that still believes, all things are possible.

Discover your Road Map

I crave change but when it happens I soon lose confidence in the driver seat, not sure where I’m going but I know I have to keep on moving. As a natural born editor, I move things around over and over again. Not to make things perfect, but to have harmony with each other. He is made perfect in my weakness, has been echoing in my heart since I became a wife. Work was easy when I was married to it, it had all my heart and time. Now that life has changed, I am having to step back and revisit how I do things.

I can’t do everything and be everywhere at work, but I can develop a team that can.

I recently added a few new talented guys to the video team. Each of them have a unique voice and personality that I’m excited to help develop. Together, I want to create work that speaks hope, love, joy and most of all Jesus. First, everyone must fight the battle of learning the technical things of editing. Videos are only fun when you’re brainstorming, and going live – in between takes hard work and thought.

As I’m translating thirteen years of experience I make sure to be clear and honest – what you are doing today, isn’t the destination but a road map. Use this time to figure out what you like to do, what you enjoy doing, what comes natural, what you can spend hours on and pay attention to that. Find ways and opportunities to use your gifting and it will lead you to your purpose. There is no doubt in my mind I was born to edit, film, create, inspire, develop others, grow in knowledge. But I didn’t know that when I was 21, or 25.. it didn’t come with age, it came at different points in life. A random Tuesday you will be thinking and get this great idea, as you are running to make it happen, you will decided “this is it.”

There is purpose in the every day things we do.

Ten years go by fast, I am already thinking about being forty… and I have no idea what I want to do or be then.. but I know the foundation of my twenty has built me up to have a successful journey. Healthy thing grow, I know one day when my video team develop, God will move them into something new. We are now all a part of each other’s road map.


Big Sur Honeymoon

Many warned me about the wedding day going by fast. The months prior I worked on every hour the day would hold. I prepared for the worst case scenario and over stocked on items like toilet paper. I’ve been thinking of this day since the first time I watched Cinderella on VHS. What I didn’t expect was to not “feel” like a bride, and after the ceremony I didn’t “feel” married. I felt the same as the day before. The thought never occurred to me when I was shooting other couples getting married, if they felt married. What does married feel like any way? 

Processed with VSCO with c1 presetI must have expected to have this transforming moment at the altar where the heavens opened up and a dove would land on our hands, declaring “husband and wife.” The day was better than perfect, and it was amazing seeing our friends and family in one place.

After the wedding, when we drove off into the sunset. Friends and family invited us to their own wedding after party, but for Gus and I we had just crossed over into married land and we both felt like we just scammed everyone by giving them a party and now they all think we are married.Processed with VSCO with g3 preset

For the honeymoon, Gus took me to Big Sur in Central California. We drove up the cost and enjoyed the beauty of California’s coast.

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Instead of a fancy hotel we stayed a nice couple’s back house from Airbnb. This was starting to feel like a classic Monica & Gus vacation.

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We did some hiking, driving and cooking when it came to our meals. Gus as a child visited a waterfall at Big Sur, so we made our way to find it again. Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

Processed with VSCO with f2 presetGus has an aunt in Capitola that we stopped by to visit. It was my first time seeing Capitola, I was captured by its unique Spanish style. Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

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A few years ago we came to Monterey and couldn’t afford to visit the aquarium. As a wedding gift to Gus, I paid for the tickets.

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Of course after.. We went and ate some fish for dinner overlooking the bay. That night we went to a fancy restaurant that we enjoyed way too much. Its going to be hard to go back to our Airbnb life. Processed with VSCO with c1 presetProcessed with VSCO with c1 presetProcessed with VSCO with f2 preset

Each day we noticed the difference of our dating life and now our married life. Our parents were now happy to leave us alone, and people seemed to respect us more when we would say, my husband this or my wife that.

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I still don’t know about the married feeling, but one thing is for sure, we’re excited to be on this new road. Its going to take faith, and we’re willing to step out and cross over. If you asked Gus, he’d say “whatever, its no big deal.”

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Photography Style

I started teaching myself photography when I couldn’t find the type of photos I needed for design work. I read websites and discovered photographers I wanted to be like. I asked friends if they would let me photography them to practice. I copied other photographers and found myself struggling at shoots.

It wasn’t until this year, nine years since I started learning photography did I finally discover my style. The answer wasn’t in a web seminar or a blog, the answer was found when I became the client.

What type of photos do you want your photographer to take on your special day?

As a bride, I wanted a photographer that knew how to capture random moments, notices happy accidents, and sees those moments no one else notices. As I looked for a photographer I kept seeing shots that could be googled.

Looking at your work, which ones are your favorite shots?

I realized I was the photographer I wanted to hire! There must be others out there who would like my style… I have a style!!!

When shooting Miranda’s graduation pictures, the day went so smooth. I was able to direct her with ease. She felt comfortable and we had fun! Photography no longer felt like work. After all the years of struggling with my settings, dealing with harsh sunlight, nervous subjects, and flash malfunctions, I was able to capture shots I am proud of because I gave myself permission to be the photography I am – not what I think others want.  All the normal elements that go wrong didn’t stop me from capturing photos I loved.



A new phase of life.

So I’ve been in this stage where I really have no idea what to do, Jesus and Spiderman’s uncle both agree when they said, “To much is given, much is required.” It’s true, lots of work is required.


Everyday, put in time

When our landlords approved Gus and I to be the next renters, we were in shock we were really going to have a place of our own. Four years ago I said yes to a movie invite and now I’m signing papers to rent a place with this boy! Its been a fun/growing experience dating Gus and now here we are given this empty house to make it our home. I do admit, I freaked out.. what did I do!? I was fine at my parent’s house.. I know, I know, they can’t take care of me forever, its time to grow up! I was overwhelmed with the challenge, I’ve never been good at house chores, I can lead a team but put a pan and stove in front of me and I’m clueless. I do appreciate living in 2016, I can youtube how to clean a stove and get advice from someone across the country.

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My new neighbors keep asking me if we’ve moved in yet. Its been a month and we’re still moving in. It’s been a big job making our new place feel like home with nothing. Every lunch break I’ve been adding more to the place, and its starting to feel more like our home, even with our two chairs and a lamp.

There’s no time to be afraid or pretend

At work, every creative meeting since 2007 someone has suggested, “Lets rent a projector.. what about a LED screen, -how much would that cost us??? This year the same thing was asked but instead I approached the question with some faith instead of with impossibility.  I’m going to keep looking until I find a deal. I called lots of places, and asked friends who know of others who have gotten a screen at their church. I managed to track down a guy who helped Hillsong LA get their LED screen.

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The day the insulation was completed we had service, which meant, the video department needed to put content on those screens – but what?? We all had a million questions and no one to ask them but each other. I remember looking at the screens and wondering what am I gonna do with these? At one point I asked one of our interns what should we put on the side panels? I was disparate for ideas! She gave a simple answer which ended up being a great idea, place welcome graphics.  Adding LED screens to a church service can be a fine line of distraction and entertainment. We weren’t sure how the church would react to it, after all, LED screen is a very modern addition to the church experience.

Processed with VSCO with c1 presetThere was lots to work out; size for the graphics, transitions between each part of service, motion graphics that wouldn’t make people feel sick, how large the font should be – there was no other way of figuring this out but to go live. We couldn’t wait to be told what to do, we just had to figure it out. We didn’t have time to be afraid or to pretend like we had the answers, the whole team was learning this together.


Pray and working together

With both of these large challenges I realized early on during the process I was given a big job for me to do on my own. I needed God’s wisdom, courage, and brain power to tackle the exciting new phases I was crossing into in my personal life and professional life.

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No one in the video department had any experience with LED screens. We had to learn new  software, hardware and new equipment. We had to work closely with the audio, lights, and worship department. Together, we’ve been helping each other and to this day, we are still trying out new formats and smoothing production.

When it comes to doing house stuff, I remind myself of the success I’ve had at work and how God has helped me. If I can figure out how to work an LED wall, I can put up curtains and take out the trash. Although I must admit, I had to ask my dad for help with the curtains. haha. I don’t mind asking for help, just ask the video team. Its when we work together are we strong and great!

One thing is for sure, God helps with every challenge and makes us able.

Being Parisian 

Yes, I often pretend I am Parisian. Something about the Paris life style is comfortable and relaxing. After reading such a deep book about man and woman last week, I needed a break. How to be Parisian wherever you are; love, style, and bad habits is full of dreamy photos and small articles on tips of simply being.  

 Photos I can stare at forever and brainstorm how I too can make these Parisian moment happen. 

“The Parisienne never gives too much away. When it comes to revealing herself, she follows one golden rule: less is definitely more.”

 I love how the book is full of random information and still feel like a conversation between friends, or more like a wise aunt who was the beauty in the group in her prime. Here she is sharing her secrets with me, how she effortlessly left a party, put together a dinner for friends and the way she kept her independence in the mist of motherhood. It was comforting to read about how Parisian women face aging, the advise to hold off on cosmetic surgery and to invest in a good eye cream. (Unlike what California aka LA culture says.) Importantly to face the fear of getting old by taking care of what nature gave you. “In Paris, the rules are clear: you anticipate, you prepare for the future, but you can never totally correct.”

I laughed at the end of the book where it said not to talk too much about oneself or dreams.. Oops how American of me. 

It’s expensive to travel to Paris but it doesn’t mean that we can’t embrace pieces of the Parisian culture where ever we are. 


2012 France


A Book and Spring Flowers

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You know we all have our thing, the thing we are self conscious about that seems so large in our own mind. For some reason the feminist movement has made being a woman confusing, should we or shouldn’t we be proud to be a woman. The modern world seems to encourage us to be more like men, and to ignore what makes us different. For years, I avoided wearing dresses, or to wear too much make up, afraid it would make me look weak, but it all goes much deeper than that. Now that I am in my thirties, a department director and soon to be wife, being a woman seems like an impossible achievement to master.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetThe book Man and Woman: A Divine Invention by Alice Von Hildebrand came to me while listening to Eric Metaxas interview. I would be lying if I told you the pressure of becoming a wife isn’t freaking me out a little bit. Is there a wife bootcamp I can attend to get me ready for the challenge I’m about to face? Probably not, but reading more about my new calling would give me an idea on what I am to do.
I know becoming a wife is deeper than cooking or the classic 1950’s woman. In fact, while reading the book , I began to see being a woman is a divine gift given by God – which I never really looked at it that way.
“[Male & Female] They are two beings of equal dignity, but complementary; therefore, they are mutually necessary for enriching one another.”
Reading about the power of a woman made me embrace being femine. The weeks following completing the book, I bought flowers for the video office. It was a small act, but for me it was part of embracing the fact I wanted flowers because they are beautiful. It brighten up the room and I enjoyed looking at them while I rendered.
It was interesting to read about the influence a woman’s heart can have on society. I thought about when developing a video project, what heart can I bring to my work that I usually ignore?
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“Without feminine, contact, men will never develop their “human side.” They become inventors, creators, and producers, but their own being remains an uncultivated field.”
She quotes another fellow writer, Adolf Von Hildeand,  “So it is that we love a woman as our holy ghost; through womanhood we develop our most human element into full sensibility; the rest of our being belongs therefore to the outer world.”
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“We live in a world that has become more and more dehumanized, more and more heartless, a world dominated by technology, by machines…The machines cannot smile or utter a word of comfort to the sick, who are desperately in need of understanding, patiences, and compassion in order to carry well the cross of physical and psychological suffering. Human persons are made of body and soul, and the body cannot recover when the soul is neglected.”
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“Feminist forget that to be a wife and a mother, to create a home and to be there to give love, and to listen to the little woes of the little ones who crave for tenderness and affection is like being the sun illuminating a dark world.”
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Something Gus told me when we first met, he said I bought color into his world.
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“Each sex has its role; each has its talents;  each has its mission.”

I loved learning about the beauty I hold and the call on my life to deliver it into the world.

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I don’t think I would have been able to embrace my femininity without falling in love with my future husband’s masculinity. Our different strengths together make us better people. I’ve never had so much confidence like I do now, and its not because I’m no longer alone, it’s because his perspective are my blind spots, and my perspective his blind spots. We help each other in so many ways.
Male and Female, how beautiful they complement each other.
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What an adventure we are about to take on. Its going to be fun.. says the happy engaged woman about to marry the man everyone said didn’t exist.
Two months to go..

Reaction to Fashion 

 There comes a time to not just embrace adulthood by paying your bills on time but to look the part. I’ve always had a love hate relationship with fashion. I have been through many embarrassing phases, but for the most part I’ve always return to jeans, t-shirt and sandals.

The wake up call  

I woke up with the bright idea to take my passport photo. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked good enough. When I paid the newly trained Walgreens photo taker, I prayed the photo would be something to be proud of as I traveled the international boarders. When I opened my photo I was horrified at how gross my hair, make-up and for some reason how my neck came out. I couldn’t understand what was happening, is this my new reality? I use to take such great photos!

The next day I booked a hair appointment and bought a fashion book at my favorite store, anthropology.

Sick of jeans! 

I’ve been wearing jeans everyday since I turned 25. Working in production, I have to move things around, which means bending down a lot. (The low waisted jeans was a horrible trend that I’m grateful phased out.) I’ve always dressed to work with a just in case I gotta bend down outfit, leaving me with limited options. One day getting ready for work I looked though my closet for a skirt and leggings.

Walking around the office I wasn’t sure if I was wearing the right outfit for my position. “What if my co workers sees me as incapable of being a boss became I’m dress like a girl.”

Alice Von Hildebrand writes the importance of femininity in the world in her book A man and woman: a divine invention. The world is in need of our heart in the work place. I don’t need to ignore my femininity in order to become successful.

With that in mind, I changed the way I was thinking about dressing at work. Love, style, life taught me I can dress like a woman, be comfortable and be modest all at the same time.

Alice Von Hildebrand says mystery makes a woman even more beautiful.

(More on that book later.)

Reaction to good fashion 

Reading Love, Style, Life was fun, it made me feel cool and most of all possible I could be fashionable like a Parisian. The most liberating information was to find clothing that you look good in and not fall into fashion trends. I admit I was following a fashion trend that kept making me look fat in photos!

With my new empowers knowledge I went to the mall and bought some new clothes. I studied the photos of author Garance Doré make up, watched YouTube for how to’s.

Store people were complementing me, one cashier even said, “you look so well put together.” My fiancé took me out on a date the moment I changed out of my yoga pants and into my new cute outfit, haha, and my coworkers were noticed my efforts – and I work with men who notice nothing! “Hey you colored your hair.” -They all felt proud for noticing. Suddenly I was walking with confidence and a new found glory. I even had the confidence to talk in front of people at our staff meeting.


Its nice to put it effort in appearance, and to learn how to do so. For some girls, (like my sister Sarah) they always seems to look good, but for a woman of comfort like myself, it takes a bad passport photo to get my attention.

It’s fun to look good, now I think I’m ready for my new passport photo.

Here is my test shot after I read the chapter. “How to take a good photo.”  

Winter Photos

Here are a few of my favorite photos that I’ve taken during the winter.

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The best thing about working in the east and living in the west are the sunsets I get to see when I drive home from work.

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Crossing a street in Pasadena days before The Rose Parade

File Feb 13, 10 05 44 PM My nephews at the Los Angeles museum, they will remember this day either as a dream or a movie they saw.

Processed with VSCOcam with p5 preset The worst part of about your 30’s is when you lose your best friends to careers, husbands and babies.

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I can watch him think for the rest of my life, and so I shall.

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The day I changed the calendar to February – a reminder three month until I’m married. I have no idea what life will be like when I see the map of Paris. Since it will be Paris – I know it will be dreamy.

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Getting a text from this busy one means I’m going to have a fun day!

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I love him for going along with my random trips to Ikea, not to buy anything – but just to look around.

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I bought the dress that told me I wasn’t worthy, because when I tried it on it said welcome to the new you.

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The site of my city mountains reminds me there is hope beyond them.


Today when shopping, I saw this red dress. For some reason I had the thought I’m not worthy of such a dress. At that moment a story my mom shared with me came to mind. She shared about this woman who tried on an expensive dress when she was younger, it fit perfectly but she didn’t buy it thinking it was too much money to spend when she had a husband and kids at home. As she remembered this moment in her life, she realized compared to the cost of the dress, it was her youth that was priceless. What she would do to go back in time to be young again so she could wear that dress.

Now was my time, what excuse would I make up to believe I wasn’t worthy.

Time is too valuable to have negative thoughts govern life, to look back on your life and wish you would have. We are made in the image of God, full of beauty, mystery, and the unlimited possibility to be transformed. Buying the red dress was my way of saying I am more than worthy.

What if you allowed yourself to travel. What if you allowed yourself to fight against those thoughts that tell you, you can’t or its impossible. Can you hear the God whisper telling you its not true? Its up to us to do something about it. For me, it was getting that red dress.

What action will you take?

Overcome Fear

No one ever wants to admit they are afraid. The first thing someone hears when they admit their fear is, “Don’t be a scaredy cat.” Thank you person for comforting my fear as if we were on the playground.

Fears change over the years, something so small can become a monster that seems like a giant to kill. First I was afraid of high school, I had no choice but to overcome due to my mom forcing me out of the car almost every day. I’ve had to often overcome by “jumping off the clip” and see what happens.

As a creative professional, I was noticing I wasn’t calling out my fear. I was ignoring it and hope the challenges would go away. I kept putting off new areas of responsibility and in the end realized it was hurting my team. It was up to me to lead, and that meant go first.

I’ve always enjoyed and excelled in post production, its where I am most comfortable. When it comes to understanding how the video control room worked and the art of live production, thats another story. This past year I had to comfort my insecurities by admitting they were there. Not only to myself but to my team. That meant I needed to forget pride and admit I don’t have the answers to everything. 

Who ever thought overcoming fear would mean to take the time to do so. I had to become a student of the live production world. I had to take physical steps of faith to figure things out. That meant, making mistakes and if possible doing so in private.

One of my biggest fears was if a projector went out. I was more afraid of this then if end of the world took place (a projector going out is more like able.) The truth was, I didn’t know what to do! Finally, this week, I told my live production crew, lets prepare for Easter by changing out the light bulbs and dusting off the projectors, take care of what we can, and make some calls manufactures if we had any questions. -Right, I sound like I know what I’m doing. As we we went up to the cat walk, and began to change the bulbs, and dust the projectors. I started to see, this wasn’t so scary after all. When we completed the task I thought about the large monster I built up in my head and how foolish I was.

I came home that night to hear that my parents helped changed the projector bulbs of my uncle at his small church. I laughed to myself because my parents had no idea I had just did the same and this was me killing my giant. I praised them, knowing it wasn’t an easy task.

No fear is so stupid or small to overcome, the first step is to make a decision, you’re gonna overcome it.. the rest will follow.


What could one do to stop time? Stand still and pretend they can no longer hear the ticking of the clock? Denial never did anyone good. I love the past just as much as I love the future, but being in the moment, I never seem to notice how great it is until its.. in the past.

I’ve been stuck in the stage of being alone. It seems that I am always.. by myself. With lots of great people around me during work, church and living at home, I can never seem to find one person to hang out with. And when I do, I look for ways to cancel.

I miss the days of having a neighbor to knock on their door to ask if they wanna come out and play. Or a school friend who wants to come over. My single friends think I’m always on dates with my future husband, my married friends think I’m always with my single friends, and my family thinks I’m busy doing world changing things. haha. Nope, I’m at a coffee shop hanging out, reading and thinking..alone. I enjoy it, but then I get bored. Now what?

When I was a little girl I imaged when I got engaged I was certain there would always be a man next to me. Grown ups never told me husbands have to go to work and leave you .. alone.

What should I do in this season? I’ve been asking myself this question all year.

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As a creative, I know there is untaped talent inside of me that I need to explore.

When I look at my list of goals, most of them are crossed off. There is a new one I want to add, but I’m not sure if I’ve just been wanting too much of Friends. I can’t go back in time to the 90’s and live in New York in hopes to meet great loyal friends who want to listen about your day.

I’m a mid thirty goal achiever. Maybe its time I push myself into the uncomfortable zone.. and think of something new to do.

I did my twenties well, now I have no idea what to do in my thirties.

Babies? why not. haha Until then, I’ll change my domain name.


Getting Married

View More:’m – I mean, We are getting married! On to a new adventure called responsibility. I thought long and hard when Gus got down on his knee and asked me to marry him, actually, it took me 4 seconds to answer. I thought about what this new promotion in life would mean, what would I be giving up? What will I now have to do?  I thought about how hard everyone says marriage is, and well, if I was going to go into battle, it would be Gus who I would want to fight along side.

I take no credit in finding Gus, and I am sure he would agree, we accidentally found each other.  I was in the middle of working, and he wanted to check out the control room at church. Time stopped when we saw each other, actually I pretended like I didn’t notice him noticing me. I played it cool that day, and I am still playing it cool. Hopefully he doesn’t notice my flaws, like how I think I am the main character of this movie. He would say that he is the main character.

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From a distance you may think we have it all figured out, the only thing we know, there is nothing we can’t solve together. We kept being engaged a secret for six months, why you ask? We’ll we needed time to trouble shoot all the questions – where? when? wedding? who is invited? babies? Yes, yes, yes, no, yes! haha.

I’ve always been a late bloomer, I was the last of my group of friends to kiss a boy, to move out and now to get married. Most of my friends have pre-teens, actually I’ve lost most of my friends to their husbands and children, a real shame!

My life plan was to get married ten years ago, but one problem, I needed someone great – and I wouldn’t meet him until what felt like FOREVER. Its been a journey from that moment when we first met to the ones you see on screen. There was a lot of things that hand to be discuss, fixed and worked out. For that we thank Jesus, He makes the impossible possible and helped us though the process of learning how to love with a pure love.

Wish us Luck! On our way to be married.. 4 months to go. View More:

photos by William Yates




Book: 7 women 

 We all want to know the secret of greatness, reading 7 Women by Eric Metaxas made it clear the cost of living a life that changes society doesn’t come at an easy price.  We see people on social media with glamorous lives who seem to blend the lines of being influential and fame. We interpret the only way to make a difference in culture is to be famous. In pursuing fame we become deaf to God’s instructions and the endeavor becomes more about self than about others. Chances are, what He wants us to do, is not glamorous at all.

Reading the stories of these seven women made it clear, each of them served others sacrificially. I was fully expecting to read this book to feel inadequate but instead realized I have the ability to serve people where I am at in my life just like these women did. These women never had fame on their minds and never cared about who was following them but focused on being obedient to Christ. Each day they took one step closer towards what they knew God would want them to do.  It’s clear how easy but yet how very hard it is to do just that. Jonah of Arc allowed herself to look crazy to those who did not believe it was God who was speaking to her, Mother Theresa paid attention to society’s outcastes, Corrie ten Boom opened her home to strangers in need and continued to do so during the Holocaust even when her life was at risk. Hannah More used her gifting as an artist to influence culture to reveal how evil the slave trade was.

Reading about these 7 women show me the power of being faithful, faithful to God, to family, to work, and how that alone makes the difference in the lives of those around you. It’s faithfulness and obedience to God that creates a new culture, over flowing to others.