The Waiting

May

Photo May 15, 10 40 02 AM

I recently found a piece of paper while I was spring cleaning that read, “Space and time has never been on my side or has it?”

It was a questions my past self sent into the future hoping to find an answer. I remember that question rolling in my head in 2008. It seemed like I was so close to the ultimate dream plan of life. I was going to work at Hillsong as an editor in Australia, I had a place to live, I was surrounded by great friends and even had someone I was about to date. Everything I wanted was in arms reach and some how they all slowly began to floating away, further and further, until they all no longer existed anymore.

When I read this question eight year later I quickly said, “Yes it is and it always was.” If the life events hadn’t happen in those years, I would be a different person with and my character would look very different.

I recently heard a podcast of a woman who kept saying, “Why not me? When will I marry, or have children?”, when a friend of her’s experience what she wanted. I call it the, “Why not me syndrome.” After a while in life, you gotta learn to not let this statement haunt you, because it will and it will you unhappy.

This year for me has been the most exciting for many of my best friends. I have four close friends, who waited a long time to find the life partner. I recall conversation of them saying, “it will never happen”, and now that I see it happening for them. When I was in my early 20’s I admit I deleted my married friends from Facebook. I wasn’t ready to see my friends get married and have children. I was myself was just adjusting to the idea of becoming an adult. But now that I’m older, my reaction is very different. I am happy to see them happy, I am excited to add their special person into my world as well. And, even though I am not yet married with children, I know my time will come. God’s timing is always perfect and it brings me comfort that I am not the one in control.

The cliché reads, Life isn’t a race but a journey. I have my own cliché. Life isn’t about where you go but who you are when you get there. 

Congratulation to everyone who is experiencing happiness, even if for a moment you are alone growing in character and in knowledge.

The Speed of Change

Its so interesting when you notice change. Most of the times things seem to stay at a moderate pace. When we are in the mist of life, a part of us expects things to always remain the same; the good and the bad. The friends that surround us, family, pop culture, even the strangers that walk by, we think time won’t change anything. Suddenly you stop and look back. You realize you are in a whole new world, a new time, a new season.

A part of me wants to miss the past. It wants to miss the friends that I was closest to. When I look at old photos, it makes me wish to go back. But I know that world no longer exists, even if I did go back, no one would be there. And even if I stayed at that spot of life forever, I would miss out on the future. I would never get the chance to extend my love and add a new person in to my heart.

The lives of my friends are changing, new songs are being written, new stories are being told, and what seems to stay the same is the love I have in my heart for the Creator. Even though my world is busy, I still think about what I can do for Him. Its been a desire of my heart since I was a naive youth. Now that I’m older I realize what God wants to do in my life is deeper than I imaged.

When I was 16 and wanted to change the world, I didn’t understand that the miracle God wanted to do was inside me. Only now do I see its about character, the way I respond to things, if I’m compassionate, if I’m kind, patient. I have heard the word “meek” all my life but for the first time I looked it up and began to study it. Meek isn’t a character attribute that I can, “work on” but its the state of a heart. I can work on being kind but being meek.. I can’t help the way my heart reacts sometimes.

Change is never easy, no matter how much you prepare for it. Its the beginning of a new season that is the hardest to get use to.  A part of me always misses the winter when spring comes, and misses spring when summer comes but eventually I learn to enjoy the moment I am in. Its the challenge of looking myself in the mirror and noticing the change that matters, is what happens inside my heart. Even though I miss the past life, I have confidence that better days are up ahead.

So things are changing, the question is, What are you going to do about it? Sit and miss the past? Or stand up and dare to overcome the new challenges that you face.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Is. 43.19

dare to overcome.

Locations of photos: Barstow, Ca