A Book and Spring Flowers

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You know we all have our thing, the thing we are self conscious about that seems so large in our own mind. For some reason the feminist movement has made being a woman confusing, should we or shouldn’t we be proud to be a woman. The modern world seems to encourage us to be more like men, and to ignore what makes us different. For years, I avoided wearing dresses, or to wear too much make up, afraid it would make me look weak, but it all goes much deeper than that. Now that I am in my thirties, a department director and soon to be wife, being a woman seems like an impossible achievement to master.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetThe book Man and Woman: A Divine Invention by Alice Von Hildebrand came to me while listening to Eric Metaxas interview. I would be lying if I told you the pressure of becoming a wife isn’t freaking me out a little bit. Is there a wife bootcamp I can attend to get me ready for the challenge I’m about to face? Probably not, but reading more about my new calling would give me an idea on what I am to do.
I know becoming a wife is deeper than cooking or the classic 1950’s woman. In fact, while reading the book , I began to see being a woman is a divine gift given by God – which I never really looked at it that way.
“[Male & Female] They are two beings of equal dignity, but complementary; therefore, they are mutually necessary for enriching one another.”
Reading about the power of a woman made me embrace being femine. The weeks following completing the book, I bought flowers for the video office. It was a small act, but for me it was part of embracing the fact I wanted flowers because they are beautiful. It brighten up the room and I enjoyed looking at them while I rendered.
It was interesting to read about the influence a woman’s heart can have on society. I thought about when developing a video project, what heart can I bring to my work that I usually ignore?
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“Without feminine, contact, men will never develop their “human side.” They become inventors, creators, and producers, but their own being remains an uncultivated field.”
She quotes another fellow writer, Adolf Von Hildeand,  “So it is that we love a woman as our holy ghost; through womanhood we develop our most human element into full sensibility; the rest of our being belongs therefore to the outer world.”
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“We live in a world that has become more and more dehumanized, more and more heartless, a world dominated by technology, by machines…The machines cannot smile or utter a word of comfort to the sick, who are desperately in need of understanding, patiences, and compassion in order to carry well the cross of physical and psychological suffering. Human persons are made of body and soul, and the body cannot recover when the soul is neglected.”
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“Feminist forget that to be a wife and a mother, to create a home and to be there to give love, and to listen to the little woes of the little ones who crave for tenderness and affection is like being the sun illuminating a dark world.”
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Something Gus told me when we first met, he said I bought color into his world.
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“Each sex has its role; each has its talents;  each has its mission.”

I loved learning about the beauty I hold and the call on my life to deliver it into the world.

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I don’t think I would have been able to embrace my femininity without falling in love with my future husband’s masculinity. Our different strengths together make us better people. I’ve never had so much confidence like I do now, and its not because I’m no longer alone, it’s because his perspective are my blind spots, and my perspective his blind spots. We help each other in so many ways.
Male and Female, how beautiful they complement each other.
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What an adventure we are about to take on. Its going to be fun.. says the happy engaged woman about to marry the man everyone said didn’t exist.
Two months to go..

Road Trip: Yosemite

I remember flying to Canada, looking out the window and seeing the west coast light up with splendor. I got excited when I recognized the Golden Gate Bridge. I tried to guess where Portland was. It seemed like there was so much to see down there, and here I was flying over it.

I first mention a road trip to my boyfriend, only to get one of his honest answers, “You do know we will hate each other by the end of it.” I smiled as I knew this was his way of saying lets do it.

A few days before our schedule departure date, we began to make plans, which wasn’t easy. It turned out to be very confusing, “Which day are we sleeping in Seattle? Where do you want to stay in Portland? So we leave San Francisco in the morning? Do we really want to drive 10 hours straight?” We decided we would figure it out on the way. With only a blue print, we would let the trip unfold before us. It sounded nice at the moment…but more on that later.

Our first destination, camp at Yosemite National Park.

The ride was exciting, listening to all of our new music, talking about what we would do in each city. When we arrived to Yosemite, we stopped right away. I didn’t want to miss anything while driving to our camp site. The first thing I noticed was everything was green, the air was fresh and the world seemed so big.

What caught my eye was the way the sun was hitting the forest. The shadows seem to make the forest come to life. When we were out looking for fire wood, we saw a deer. I had never seen a wild animal. We made eye contact with the deer and all of us stood still for thirty seconds.

That night was one of the longest nights ever. We knew we couldn’t bring any camping gear since both of us would be flying out of Portland, so we figured we could sleep in the car. We had no idea how small that car really was. We put the back seat down thinking it would level out, but instead made two levels. Gus slept in the trunk and I on top of the back seat. Both of us would wake up in the middle of the night laughing at how squished we were. The car was so small, and the temperature was dropping every hour.

I woke up around 6am, got ready and walked around.

When Gus woke up we left to find a look out. What we found was heaven.

I tried to figure out how early explorers traveled through these mountains back in the days. I guess the old fashion way, hiking. Lucky for us there was a road leading straight to this look out. We left Yosemite knowing there was still so much to see. Up next, San Francisco.