Bored.


What could one do to stop time? Stand still and pretend they can no longer hear the ticking of the clock? Denial never did anyone good. I love the past just as much as I love the future, but being in the moment, I never seem to notice how great it is until its.. in the past.

I’ve been stuck in the stage of being alone. It seems that I am always.. by myself. With lots of great people around me during work, church and living at home, I can never seem to find one person to hang out with. And when I do, I look for ways to cancel.

I miss the days of having a neighbor to knock on their door to ask if they wanna come out and play. Or a school friend who wants to come over. My single friends think I’m always on dates with my future husband, my married friends think I’m always with my single friends, and my family thinks I’m busy doing world changing things. haha. Nope, I’m at a coffee shop hanging out, reading and thinking..alone. I enjoy it, but then I get bored. Now what?

When I was a little girl I imaged when I got engaged I was certain there would always be a man next to me. Grown ups never told me husbands have to go to work and leave you .. alone.

What should I do in this season? I’ve been asking myself this question all year.

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As a creative, I know there is untaped talent inside of me that I need to explore.

When I look at my list of goals, most of them are crossed off. There is a new one I want to add, but I’m not sure if I’ve just been wanting too much of Friends. I can’t go back in time to the 90’s and live in New York in hopes to meet great loyal friends who want to listen about your day.

I’m a mid thirty goal achiever. Maybe its time I push myself into the uncomfortable zone.. and think of something new to do.

I did my twenties well, now I have no idea what to do in my thirties.

Babies? why not. haha Until then, I’ll change my domain name.

Hi Moniemuse.com

The Big Question – Book: Punch Fear in the Face

We all have that one big question everyone seems to ask. It changes in life. First it starts as an innocent, “What are you going be when you grow upl?” But then, it can turn into what feels like judgment through the years, “What are YOU going to do?” Most of the time, we too are asking ourselves the same question.

Which college?
Do you have a job?
What career?
What about marriage?
And kids?

And the list can go on. I’ve learned instead of saying empty unsure ideas, I am honest, I’ll tell those who are wondering, (usually those who aren’t in my inner circle), “I’m not sure.” You’ll get a look like, “What do you mean you don’t know!”
People don’t see those sleepless nights when we are down because we can’t find a job we love, or unable to enjoy the current season we are in because we are too consumed with the next.
I realized asking myself honest questions, help me eliminate everyone’s voices for what I should do. Also I stopped comparing my life to those around me, which might be hard with social media. If I listened to what everyone told me to do, I’d have lots of kids, be in heavy debt, and have regrets that I didn’t go to school to learn editing and travel around the world. To me, those things where important before I got married and have children, which coming from a Mexican background was told that was my only destiny.

What DO YOU REALLY wanna do?

Discover the goal, work hard, and don’t give in to what is easy.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:6

Book to read: I just completed Start: Punch Fear in the Face by Jon Acuff. Super practical and encouraging. It help me see even though I had reached some goals, I still had some I was afraid to admit. This book will sent you on the path worth running.

 

Okay, I’ll Write.

For some reason, when I leave a voice mail, it has to be perfect. I can easily spend thirty minutes trying to leave the perfect recording. I’ve been finding myself doing this when it comes to writing a blog post. There is a whole list of drafts that I’ve never completed or had the guts to submit. I guess I’m not sure how transparent I should be. Keeping things simple and shallow has always been safe. But as a deep thinker, I get bored with my shallow side. I tell myself to be honest, and I’ll connect with others but what if someone reads it! I guess I should practice being honest, to test the water, dip my toe in the big ocean and swim.

Over the years, I have become more than a video editor, photographer, and Christian and I want to try to share that with you. As a famous song writer once said, write the song before it leaves.

Ponce, Puerto Rico
Ponce, Puerto Rico

No Time

There is no time to live life anymore, the pressure of the clock weights on my shoulders and pushes me to move move move. Just a moment ago I was in my early twenties, and now I am at the end of that journey. Chances are I will be ten years behind everyone else my age, and why? Because I wanted to take my time. Is that so wrong?

I wish I had time to read more, to write more, to create more. I wish I had more time to spend with God. I can’t just give him fifteen minutes and then walk away. I want to give him a morning, or an evening.

There isn’t anymore time to fall in love or be in love. I have to make a decision if I like someone even before I know them, other wise the crowd of people will bug until I give them an answer. I shall answer, “Give me time!”

There isn’t any time to think and wait to make a decision. The cashier clerk pushes you out-of-the-way to get to the next person, the friend text you to hang out minutes before the event, my co-workers tell me to do something with no time to think but only to respond.

Is the fact that I feel like there isn’t any time due to my mismanagement of life? Or can I sit here and blame it on the culture. This is why I wanna run away to an island that has no time. Maybe when time no longer matters,  it’s what life is supposed to feel like. To live it out and not get push and shoved through it.

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