The Waiting

May

Photo May 15, 10 40 02 AM

I recently found a piece of paper while I was spring cleaning that read, “Space and time has never been on my side or has it?”

It was a questions my past self sent into the future hoping to find an answer. I remember that question rolling in my head in 2008. It seemed like I was so close to the ultimate dream plan of life. I was going to work at Hillsong as an editor in Australia, I had a place to live, I was surrounded by great friends and even had someone I was about to date. Everything I wanted was in arms reach and some how they all slowly began to floating away, further and further, until they all no longer existed anymore.

When I read this question eight year later I quickly said, “Yes it is and it always was.” If the life events hadn’t happen in those years, I would be a different person with and my character would look very different.

I recently heard a podcast of a woman who kept saying, “Why not me? When will I marry, or have children?”, when a friend of her’s experience what she wanted. I call it the, “Why not me syndrome.” After a while in life, you gotta learn to not let this statement haunt you, because it will and it will you unhappy.

This year for me has been the most exciting for many of my best friends. I have four close friends, who waited a long time to find the life partner. I recall conversation of them saying, “it will never happen”, and now that I see it happening for them. When I was in my early 20’s I admit I deleted my married friends from Facebook. I wasn’t ready to see my friends get married and have children. I was myself was just adjusting to the idea of becoming an adult. But now that I’m older, my reaction is very different. I am happy to see them happy, I am excited to add their special person into my world as well. And, even though I am not yet married with children, I know my time will come. God’s timing is always perfect and it brings me comfort that I am not the one in control.

The cliché reads, Life isn’t a race but a journey. I have my own cliché. Life isn’t about where you go but who you are when you get there. 

Congratulation to everyone who is experiencing happiness, even if for a moment you are alone growing in character and in knowledge.

Summer Doubt

The ugly side of being creative is feeling like you no longer have any ideas. The moment the darkness of doubt comes in, we suddenly begin to compare ourselves to others. And the worst thing we can do is stop believing we are creative.

The truth is, being creative takes work, hard work. Some might pretend like they are born with million dollar ideas but if they were honest, they would tell you about the research and reading that went into leading them to their idea. They might even say it was an idea they had been working on for years.

Creative ideas take energy, they require waking up early in the morning to capture the morning sunlight, it requires saying no to hanging out because you promised yourself you’d finish your current film book. If we feel like we are out of ideas, its time to take a look at how much we’ve invested.

Summer can be the worst season for coming up with creative ideas. One major reason, is there is so much fun stuff to do. The sun is shinning outside, who wants to be inside reading? Everyone is outside traveling, and instagraming how great their summer is. Its also hot and muggy everywhere you go.

So what to do when the summer doubt comes?

Know that even Hollywood takes a break from production in the summer. What you can do is talk about your project with someone. The person you decide to talk to might be currently inspired or their thoughts can lead you to that idea you’ve been searching for. If you can, take a day off or a mini-vaction. Let your mind think about other things.

Most of all enjoy the summer. Remember you are creative, and your best idea is yet to come! Gather memories with the people you love, put your computer down, journal imminently when those deep thoughts come, and stay off social networks because they will make you feel even less creative!

Autumn will be here soon and give you so much inspiration, you’ll be blogging about it everyday while you enjoy your hot coffee and comfy sweater!

Four years

Dec 2006 I was completely lost. I had no idea what the next step was in my life. I thought I would be working and living in Sydney, but when the job fell through I had no where else to go but home.

Jan – March 2007 I was disparate to work and to contribute to society. I needed a job, friends and a new church. Friends were writing me from Australia about how great they were transitioning from bible college to the real world. I felt like God forgot about me. “I hate San Bernardino, why did You bring me back?”

April 2007 Some old friends invited me to the “famous large” church, The Rock. I heard rumors about it but never visited it. I began to go to their young adults. I decided to make The Rock Church my home church. Saw an ad in their bulletin for a graphic designer. I applied and interviewed. I was done waiting for a call from Sydney.

May 2007 “Can you start in a few days?” I answered. “YES!” I was officially one of The Rock’s graphic designer even though I wanted to be their video editor, I was willing to take whatever was offered. I needed to get my life moving forward, and this job was creative. My prayer was, “God just give me a creative job.”

December 2007 Visited Sydney. Loved it. Missed it. Camera got stolen. Pictures lost. “I’m coming back to Sydney guys.”

August 2008 I was promoted into the video department. I started to see why God brought me back to California. I was growing, learning and my heart began to mature.

October 2009 Another visit to Sydney. Everything was different. The boy I liked ignored me. “This is no longer home, I don’t belong here, good-bye Sydney.”

Jan 2010 Video editor. Team leader. Producer. Director. Camera operator.

March 2010 Bought the Canon 7-D. Officially a Photographer & Film maker.

August 2010 (Birthday month) Should I move to Paris? London? Vancouver? Sydney? Los Angeles? New York? San Francisco? Watched a travel show, learned that Vancouver is the second largest film & production industry city in the world.

November 2010 Started hanging out with a really cool guy. He was inspiring and caused me to see my faith and future in a fresh new light.

Jan 2011 Life was full of rainbows, butterflies and birds singing.

Feb 2011 Bought a Macbook Pro. Began doing more freelance work: Photography & Video. Layoffs at work and no more large events. Video department began to focus on how to use video to build the church up and not just entertain.

March 2011 Gray clouds. Really cool guy disappeared causing me to make up my mind. “It’s either now or never. Vancouver it is.”

April 2011 Spring. “Party of one.” Blog. Blog. Blog. Work. Work. Work. Cha ching.

May 2011 Four year anniversary at the Rock. I love my job, work, family.. *deep breath* But the time is coming for me to leave soon. Preparation is key. 

The past four years of my life.

Seasons

I think it’s pretty interesting how fast time goes by. We usually don’t notice how fast the earth is spinning until something causes us to stop. Monday I saw the worst car accident. It reminded me how fragile life is. When we drove by the accident, I saw two people on the floor. I saw one person moving and the other one looked like they were gone. People were outside their cars trying to help them. How fast life goes by.

I used to feel overwhelmed when it came to reaching “the destination”. There is this clip from one of my favorite movies, “Walking Life”. It’s an animation about a boy who’s stuck in a dream. Though it’s not a film for everyone, I find that it package this thought really well.


I can relate to this clip of women talking about being young and wanting to get to the destination. It’s true whats said, “it’s not about the destination but the journey.”

It took me a while to figure out that in each season there are different people who play a role in it. Sometimes when I’m living a really good moment I want to hold on to it a bit longer cause I know one day the person who I am laughing with or hugging may not be around for the next season . People have become chapters in my life. I can list all the best friends I’ve had though out life and remember what music I was listening to, what kinda clothes I was wearing, what I was dreaming…I then think..I wish that season lasted a bit longer, why was I in such a rush to leave it?

The season I am living now, I am in no rush to leave it. I’m spending it with someone great who inspires me to live more life and to get off my computer. I know I can’t press pause, but I am stopping more often to look up at the sky and breath in the beautiful fresh air.

One of my dad’s favorite songs sums it up: